So here I sit, 9:00 pm on a Wednesday. The boy is in bed, hubby is in the basement watching hockey. I am pretty much in a daze, watching the dog snore on the couch. I started using a Fitbit  recently and I have 1,000 more steps to walk before bed. I am thinking I can bang those out while watching Jerseylicious on TV by walking in place. Today has been a trying day. Easter is coming up. I have friggin Easter eggs to fill, and I am convinced Myfitness pal is somehow screwing up my calorie intake even though I know I just need to stop eating everything that is put in front of me. I want to be healthy and active, but something is holding me back. I don't know what it is other than the obvious physical issues of arthritis and fatigue. Sometimes I feel like I've just been dealt a lousy hand but really It's all about choices right? I'm always telling my son make a good choice, think about how to make a better choice...I need someone following me around saying that when I decide to stuff one more Chips Ahoy in my mouth before bed. Oh well off I go to walk in place fore a half an hour so my Fitbit will smile at me and I can see the little arrow point to the goal zone for calories. Peace Out.

What I'm doing right today

I am back in Earnest at my ongoing quest to get healthy. OK, I still can't get myself out of bed to exercise at 6 am, but I downloaded the My Fitness app on my ipod touch which allows me to track my caloric intake and energy output for free and track my weight as well. This is working overall as a slap in the face as to how much of a problem I have with portion control. I'm using a lot of self talk to convince myself I don't need to be eating all the time. I cleaned off the dining room table, and am trying to bring back actual sit down family dinner. Tonight I helped my 4 year set and clear the table and we all sat down and ate at the table. What a concept huh? My mother always set the table and we always sat down to dinner. I'm not sure why I let this tradition go by the board in my house, it's an important part of family life. So back to sit down at the table dinners for us. Overall I feel good about the lifestyle changes that I have initiated. Something happened to me last year. My father having a liver transplant last August just created havoc in my life emotionally. The waiting, the worrying and then the stress of the surgery, the relief of the surgery being successful and then the fear of his first rejection episode right at Christmas made me crazy, drained, impatient, tired, and lazy. My recovery from this has been slow. Which is part of the reason I am starting this blog/journal. To start to make myself look at the fact I put my life on hold, and now I have to pick it up and put it back together again. Which I will, I have way to much to look forward too...

Ruby

I'm sitting on the couch watching Ruby on Style Network. She is trying to figure out why she is fat. I'm fat and I know why I am fat. I eat too much. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm mad, when I'm nervous. We never have enough money, I have a stressful job, trying to keep the household going and keep up a marriage is hard. My child could talk the fuzz of a peach and try the patience of a saint on a good day. So, I'm fat. Now I'm not as fat as Ruby, but I think she is inspiring me to stop eating, because lord knows I don't need to be as fat as Ruby. I am freaking lazy. I don't have to be to work until 9. I should be getting up at 6 to exercise. Why the heck don't I? Is it because of some traumatic episode in my past? Maybe, or maybe I'm just lazy. Stuck in a cycle of Lazy. Today starts daylight savings , plenty of light, planty of sunshine coming up. So tomorrow I am going to try and break the cycle of lazy. I'll let you know how that goes....

pull the covers back over my head

In the last 3 years I have had a baby; bought a house; quit the job I was at for 7 years as the boss; started a new job as a part time worker bee, full time mom; and helped my parents relocate from my childhood home to a house closer to me. Oh yeah, and my dad got diagnosed with liver cancer and the only way he is going to live is if he gets a liver transplant. My mother still laments about how I'm not as fashionably dressed as I used to be. Really? Jeez leather mules and perfectly coiffed eyebrows don't quite fit my current lifestyle. Most people would be annoyed by this, at first I was too. Now I just laugh about it. OK maybe it's a crazy manic laugh but it's still a laugh.

Let me introduce myself. I am a 30 something mother of a 3 year old boy, with some much energy I'm pretty sure if I could bottle it, I'd never have to pay another electric bill again. I am 50 pounds overweight, and have been married for 7 years. We've been together for ten. I work part time as an occupational therapist in a nursing home, which is the the saddest and funniest job you could have depending on the day. My house is always a mess. Sorry boys but you are slobs, even when you try not too be. I don't have any one motivation for starting this blog. I just occasionally have thoughts in my swirling rattling brain that I must put down on paper.